


Some Dark State Between

by stroke_of_genius



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23662858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stroke_of_genius/pseuds/stroke_of_genius
Summary: A story about Jade struggling with loneliness, and the part Dave plays in her journey.
Relationships: Jade Harley & Dave Strider, Jade Harley/Dave Strider
Comments: 18
Kudos: 42





	Some Dark State Between

Jade floats. Water laps up against her skin, currents push and pull her wherever they please. She’s paying barely enough attention to make sure she’s not carted too far away from her island, but the tropical sunlight is blinding, and she squeezes her eyes shut. She sees bright spots of red and purple dancing across the back of her eyelids, and the sound of the ocean lulls her not to sleep but some dark state between. This place is comfortable because it is nothing. She has no name, no connections, no skin. The loose collection of atoms that is Jade Harley could fly up into the sun and never come back. 

Salt water stings a cut on her ankle, reminding her that she is inside a physical body; she is a real person with limitations. The pain is small, but grounding, as much as one can be grounded while floating on water. Jade cracks open her eyes, glancing at the shore. What would happen if she never went back? How long would she be at the whims of the current until delivered to land? Jade doesn’t read fantasy much anymore, but she remembers stories from her childhood where the little girl would always endear some spirit of the ocean to save her. 

There’s a howling from the shore, a warning call. She guesses she does have a fairy tale protector of sorts, he’s just the type that keeps her from getting into trouble instead of saving her from it. It’s a good thing Bec is there for her, she thinks, and she loves him. She would be dead by now without him. There’s no good reason for her to feel as annoyed or suffocated as she does--she has an _entire island._ She looks at the shore again, squints against the sun to see her house in the distance. An entire island all for her. 

Another howl calls after her, and she sighs, fully drawn back into the real world. That’s her signal to come back before Bec makes her. 

She adjusts herself in the water so that she’s no longer on her back, and begins to swim towards the shore, where a large white dog waits for her. Jade savors the strain of her muscles fighting currents and the smell of salt water, allowing her world to slip into nothing but crashing waves for the last few minutes before she reaches the sand. 

She walks onto the beach, ringing the water out of her hair and giving a smile to Bec, who diligently waits beside her bag. Good dog, best friend. 

She pulls her glasses and a towel out of the bag, then dries herself off. “What was so important that I had to swim all the way back here?” She asks Bec, knowing all she will get in response is his blank stare. 

Jade does this a lot, asking questions aloud she knows will go unanswered or giving comments without expecting responses. It’s comforting, to sometimes hear a human voice break the natural buzz of the island, even if it’s her own. 

Bec comes up to her, and in a moment everything goes green. She has always wondered where the space between teleportations is—some extra dimension, a sliver where time and space meet that’s folded into the fabric of the universe? It’s the sort of thing out of science fiction, which for as long as she can remember has been closer to science fact. 

By the time she has finished the thought, they are at the front doors of her house. Jade grimaces. Is it feeding time already? 

She looks at Bec, who just stares back. Setting her shoulders, she opens the door, fighting the urge to shut her eyes tight. 

The room is dark, as it always is. Even light from the doorway closing behind her only seems to reach so far into the dim room. She’s not sure if she can actually see the shadows of the figures within, or if they are just so ingrained in her memory that she _thinks_ she can. 

Jade steels herself and walks to the doorway in the left wall of the foyer. Light flares from the fireplace, as if sensing her presence. It silhouettes the corpse of her grandfather, who smiles down at her in a way that can not help but feel twisted when back-lit and shadowy. 

It is getting harder by the day to pretend that this is okay. Concerned words from her friends echo in the back of her mind. But nothing is out of hand. Jade has taken care of herself for a long time, and facing ghosts is a part of her daily routine. Today is just a bad day, that's all. 

“Just a bad day,” she repeats aloud to herself as she ascends the stairs, to hear her voice echo back to her. She continues up, past strange rooms filled with their respective eclectic collections. This is a house of ghosts, overflowing with the remains of the once alive. On her darkest days, days like today, she can not help but imagine her own corpse stuffed and mounted. But who will be there to see it? Bec? 

Jade isn’t completely sure why she doesn’t move any of grandpa’s treasures. It’s somewhat out of respect for him, she thinks, and somewhat out of not knowing how to change what has been a constant in her life since she could remember, but there’s something else too. The only thing that gives these objects, these accomplishments of her grandfather, meaning is that Jade sees them everyday. What is a trophy if nobody is around to admire it? 

She tries to push these thoughts out of her mind as she reaches the transportalizer leading to her room. Once again, there is light, and for an instant, she is nowhere and everywhere. Then she is standing in her room, bright colors and stuffed animals marking it as the only place on the island that’s truly hers. 

The refrigerator catches the corner of her eye, and she knows that she should get Bec’s steak, but she finds herself more than anything wanting to be distracted. Something is going on with her today and she doesn’t want to dwell on it for too long for fear of what she’ll find. Luckily, she knows someone who is exceptional for helping in situations such as these. 

Jade plops onto her bed and opens up her laptop. To her relief, the person she wants to talk to is active, and she puts a smile onto her face before pestering him.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \-- 

GG: hey dave!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: whoa god damn be careful letting all those exclamation points loose harley theyre in danger of assembling and organizing  
TG: gonna go all bolshevik on your ass overthrow your reign  
TG: then what am i going to do with you being gunned down by firing squad of emphatic punctuation youll be fucked  
TG: not even gonna have a funeral for me to attend just a public display of burning your body or some equally beautifully symbolic shit  
TG: id be mad but you had it coming to you harley  
TG: why’d you have to go and exploit the exclamation point working class like that you had to know a proletarian revolution would be the inevitable response  
TG: wheres your fucking class consciousness jade  
TG: anyways yeah hey whats up  
GG: nothing much!! i need to feed bec but its such a drag ugh  
TG: i can imagine what does that thing even eat baby deer  
TG: is that why you have all those freaky guns you out hunting bambi to feed to your beast  
TG: peta is gonna be up your ass once they find your island jade  
GG: no he does not eat baby deer none live on this island silly!  
GG: he eats steaks :)  
TG: wait are you for real  
GG: why wouldnt i be?  
TG: holy shit i thought you were gonna be like haha no strider you silly beautiful boy he eats organic dog food or something but no homeboy is a full grown ass wolf huh  
TG: you know i think one of the reasons we’re friends is that youre the one person on earth that has a crazier fucking life than i do  
GG: do i?! its kinda hard to tell whats normal or not haha  
GG: not a lot of things to compare to  
TG: please harley you have the internet and us you know by now its weird that you live on a deserted island with just your grandpa like what the fuck where even are your parents  
GG: where even are YOUR parents mr smartypants!!!!!  
GG: i still dont know if bro is your brother or your dad!  
TG: okay okay touche you got me  
TG: i guess all of our families are just fucked up huh  
GG: i dunno i guess  
GG: weve done alright for ourselves though!  
TG: i mean fair you are probably the sanest weird island girl ive ever met  
TG: other than the spooky fortune teller psychic shit did you get that through being an island princess or did your grandpa teach you it  
TG: maybe shes born with it maybe its psychic magic  
GG: i keep telling you i dont know what youre talking about!  
GG: im perfectly normal :)  
TG: see now that is the creepiest cryptic bullshit ive ever seen  
TG: im ONTO you harley  
TG: like your wolf sniffing down a trail of a delicious bambi  
TG: stalking through the woods smelling the air twitching my ears  
TG: i WILL find this deer and crunch down  
TG: you likin this furry shit jade its all for you  
GG: im not a furry!!!!  
TG: yeah just like youre not magical  
GG: yes!!!!!  
TG: uh huh  
TG: im using MY psychic powers to see through your webcam and see all the furry posters on the walls and the tails youve got hidden in your dresser  
TG: dont lie to me jade i know  
TG: i know  
GG: hmmmmmm i think……  
GG: youre full of shit!  
TG: damn okay i see how it is  
TG: never try to do a nice thing for a friend i guess can you see my heart bleeding onto my keyboard at the pain of you rejecting my grade a furry roleplay  
TG: wait no of course you cant just take my word for it  
TG: oh god blood is everywhere gross its all over my hands  
TG: looks like a murder was committed  
GG: gross!  
TG: hell yeah it sure fucking is  
TG: did you need somethin though or did you just wanna chat  
TG: because as you know im a busy man got shitty ironic comic ideas up the ASS i need to get crackin on  


Jade pauses, briefly considers telling him how she’s been feeling. But this isn’t the time. 

GG: no haha sorry if i bothered you!  
TG: what  
TG: no uh  
TG: i was being a dick im literally never busy  
TG: want me to send you this track im working on  
TG: i think it could use a funky bassline if youre pickin up what im throwing down  
GG: yes!!! send itttttt  


They then proceeded to have one of the best jam sessions in history.

* * *

Everything is cold, and strange, but it doesn’t bother Jade. The warmth from the volcano is melting snowflakes before they hit her skin, sure, but even before that, the chill never seemed to truly sink into her bones. 

It doesn’t make sense, but not much does anymore. 

This is the first time she’s really spending time with Dave in person. Well, it’s the first time she has been around anyone besides her grandpa, really. It’s strange. She keeps hearing his voice in red, so used to him being words on a screen. 

He’s not what she expected either. He’s… tense, on edge, but she guesses she is too. There’s an anxiety in her chest, a feeling of dread she can’t seem to shake. 

That’s not all, though. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he’s almost sad. Like he knows something she doesn’t. It’s strange, to be on the opposite end of that experience. For so long it was _her_ keeping secrets from _him._

They continue to pick through frogs, not talking much. A frog’s slimy skin sticks to hers, cold and unnatural. She thinks about what it would feel like to touch Dave, touch _any_ other human being. Memories of lying in bed, holding her own hand crying, come to her. 

She shakes her head and frowns, trying to make her thoughts go away. It would just creep Dave out if she hugged him now. 

“Uh, Jade, you good?” He asks, and she can just barely see his eyebrows furrow in concern. Right. She isn't used to other people seeing her. She’ll have to be mindful about body language now. 

“I’m fine!” She says, and smiles at him, holding up a bright blue frog for emphasis. 

“Alright.” They continue in silence for a bit, until he says, “Look, don’t be worried.”

She freezes. 

“We’ll find this thing soon enough; it’ll be fine.”

Oh. Yeah. Of course. He thinks she’s worried about the frogs. “I know! Thanks for your help!”

He gives her a small smile. “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

Jade almost goes over to him, almost drops the frog in her hand to hold his face, just to know what it would feel like. 

She has been alone for so, so long. 

But something catches her attention first, a dark silhouette above the volcano. 

“Dave, he’s here.”

“Damn, that was fast.” 

Jade does drop the frog in her hand, but it’s to replace it with the cold metal of her gun. She looks over, and Dave has his sword out. There is a moment of stillness as Jack touches down in front of them, and then chaos erupts. 

Jade is shooting, and multiple Daves all appear to surround Jack with slashing red metal.

The battle is short, but it is intense, full of color and chaos. Jade hasn’t had as much time as Dave has; her powers aren’t as far along, but they are the players of Space and Time, and they put up one hell of a fight when they work together. 

Dave disappears for a moment, but Jade doesn’t know anything is wrong until she hears a groan and a thud behind her. 

She stops shooting, whips around to find Dave bloody on the ground, his shirt ripped with bullet holes. 

“Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.” She runs over to him, not heeding Jack; he has accomplished what he wanted to do, and won’t harm her

She kneels down beside Dave, melted snow soaking into her dress, and holds him in her arms. Jade can’t help but remember the last time she held someone like this, in an eerily similar situation. A sick parallel to the scene before her. Her grandfather was old, though, skin thin and covered in age spots.

Dave is soft, and still warm to the touch, and she feels hot, burning tears fill her eyes. She does not know what to do. 

She looks up at Jack, trying to read any emotion on his canine face. Jade stands up, furiously wiping her tears away. “YOU DID THIS!” She screams at him. “BAD DOG! BAD DOG!” She picks up a handful of half-melted snow and throws it at him, but he easily steps out of the way. 

Nearby, something pings. She looks over and sees her spectagoggles glowing, notifying her of a new message on pesterchum. Exhausted, she walks over, and picks them up. 

It’s Karkat, furiously messaging her something about dream selves and Dave and bringing him back to life. She’s overwhelmed, but after a quick conversation, understands what she has to do. 

Jack is still there, staring at her, and she looks at him wearily. It feels weird to do this in front of him, especially if Bec is in there somewhere, but what choice does she have? 

Jade walks back to Dave, takes him into her arms again. There is blood on his mouth and clothes and it’s getting onto her skin (there is some cruel irony here about her only being able to touch the dead, she knows it, but life has never been kind to her), and the thought of what she has to do brings bile and tears to her throat. 

She chokes it down, breathing heavily. At the very least, she can do Dave the decency of not vomiting on his corpse. There is nothing else for her to do, and she may as well get this over with, so she quickly leans down and gives him a quick kiss on the lips. 

She expects there to be some sort of magic signifying what she has done, sparkles or fire. Even though Karkat told her Dave would be waking up on Derse, a part of her still thought his eyes would flutter open and he would give her a real, alive hug. 

Instead, she is left with blood on her mouth and the corpse of her best friend in her arms. 

Jade hopes that her adventures will lead her to Derse, or maybe bring Dave back to LOFAF, so that they can properly talk, and she can apologize. But a part of her knows, deep down, that she will not be seeing him for a long, long time.

* * *

And she’s right. She doesn’t meet another living human for a year. And then another. And then another.

John dies before her ship sets sail for a new timeline, and she does her best to hold a funeral for him on board. It’s hard, because she has never been to a funeral before. There is no corpse to stuff, though, and she’s not sure she’d want to even if there was, so she makes due. It is small, and it is quiet, with nobody except herself and an old photo of John, but it helps her start to heal.

Almost every day, she curses herself for the mistakes she made and regrets she has. She should’ve hugged Dave when she first saw him. Should’ve found Rose and hugged her too. Should’ve saved John and gotten his company for this three year long journey.

The days pass slowly, but in the end, it’s not so different from what she has been doing her entire life. Once again, it is just Jade alone with too much empty space and too many things that cannot talk back. She finds hallways that echo and speaks with herself, holds her own hand, reverts back to old habits of feigned human connection.

She misses Bec, and she misses her friends.

Three years, a strange dream, and a stranger battle all pass before she is reunited with her friends and her brother on a platform that will lead to their new world.

She is out of tears after so long, but she hugs each and every one of them (even the ones she doesn’t really know, like Kanaya and Terezi, but they don’t complain). Jade ignores John’s whispered apology, laughs at Dave’s joke, smiles when Rose says she missed her.

She doesn’t know what to say back; how does one express years of loneliness and longing? Maybe she will eventually find the words, but right now she can be content with just having the people she loves, and a few new friends. There are entire planets full of people and trolls and carapacians she will get to meet. Jade does not think she will ever see and meet and touch enough people.

Later, when things have settled down and she has sheepishly asked to live with Dave and Karkat and been welcomed with open arms, she finds Dave again. He is sitting on the living room couch, staring at nothing. There is an apology he is many years overdue for.

She sits down next him, and he puts a casual arm around her shoulders. They are both much more open to touch than they used to be, even if it is just the friendly kind, but Dave seems to silently understand what it means to her, and makes an effort to give her that quiet support.

“Hey,” She says.

“Hey.”

“Sorry for killing you, all those years ago.”

He turns to look at her, visibly confused. “That’s not something you have to apologize for. I knew it would happen.”

“I guess. It’s just been on my mind for a while. Felt wrong to never talk about it again,” She tries to laugh, but it comes out weak.

He hesitates for a moment. “Look, Jade, if anyone deserves an apology, it’s you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that journey alone. I honestly don’t know how you made it.”

She shrugs against him. “I grew up alone.”

“What about your grandpa?”

She doesn’t meet his eyes.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That… really fucking sucks.”

“It’s life.”

They sit there in silence for a few minutes.

“Are you okay?” Dave asks, and the question brings back a rush of emotions. Jade’s bottom lip shakes, and she opens and closes her mouth a couple times before sound is able to come out.

“I don’t think so,” She says, and lets the tears roll down her cheeks. It is the first time she has ever cried in front of another person.

Dave wraps her in an embrace. Jade holds onto him and does not let go.

She will not make the same mistake twice.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Jade and her friendship with Dave has a special place in my heart, and I wanted to write something exploring that. My apologies to anyone who was looking for a more romantic story, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Comments and Kudos are always appreciated, and I hope you all are staying safe <3


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